Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
