I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Randomize
