it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
