I have demons in me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
