Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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