see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
