You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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