A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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