She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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