It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
