I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
