So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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