it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
