i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
sarcasm needs its own font
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
