I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
