I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
