having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
