i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
