I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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