I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
