My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
