she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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