never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
where am i from again
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
