Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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