How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
