you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
