Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
