Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
