I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it was like eating out sand paper
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
