A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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