we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
