I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
