Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
