just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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