Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Damn victory sex feels great
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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