My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
