dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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