can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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