Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
