You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
