A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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