He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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