i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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