i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
