i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
