So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
