You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
