The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
