? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
