We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
